Chance of a Lifetime

I joined The Listserve in April 2012, just about the time the project began. The premise, for those unfamiliar is a daily email from one of the 23,000 list subscribers chosen at random.

So, for the last 1100 or so days I’ve read through the emails I’ve received, and of course wondering what I would share when the day came. There was a time a few years ago I would have written something deeply insightful about depression and hopelessness. There was a time I would have written gracefully and gratefully about the people who have helped me get where I am. Or about being a dad. Or self-helpy shrink advice. Or promote myself.

Well, I was chosen on Friday and instead of any of those I submitted a fictional piece that only works if you believe that Satan subscribes to the list. MLM Hell, so to speak.

And so, in case you receive the email and happen to go searching for whoever blew their chance to *really* introduce himself. Ya found me!

UPDATE: The Listserve archives all submissions, so mine can be found Listserve Archived post.

Summertime, and the living is…restless?

It’s been a while since I’ve put in an appearance here. Why? Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been getting really sick of opinions. Not just everyone else’s, but my own, too. The internet is a geyser of opinion and there are many a day that silence seems the only appropriate response.

Good news! The Full Lazenby, a short of mine that was published in last year’s Unidentified Funny Objects 3, will appear again, this time in Imaginarium 4 the annual compilation of best Canadian speculative fiction. And who is writing the introduction? Margaret <frickin’> Atwood. Jesus, I can’t wait to hold it.

I’ve been performing 3-4 times/month with Oakville Improv both in the family-friendly venues and over at the Moonshine Cafe. The group has really become quite fun and funny–not always the case in improv. Check us out if you’re local.

In real life, the last few months have been really tough. We’ve lost a parent and are worried about another family member who has become quite ill. We moved again, this time for permanence. Work, as always, is challenging in every conceivable manner. My health is good. My daughters are lovely. I’m learning to meditate.

And then there’s writing. I’ve come to accept that my process (as it currently stands) is that when I have an idea that I’m obsessed about and that if, on my death bed, I had not seen complete would be heartbroken over, I set to work. Now frequently, the various drafts and/or rejections kill the death bed regret and the project stalls. But I’ve been spending the last two months reading biographies, Italian history and literature as research for a ridiculously ambitious project. We’ll see just how far I get, but the outline is almost complete and it feels pretty cracking.

I can spin it two ways: What if there was a physics of the mind? or, more pithily, Freud and Einstein solve mysteries. Is your jaw off the floor yet? Are you losing your <frickin’> mind? Good. I am too.

Out of Line!

I spent the bulk of 2014 with a fantastic group of improvisers in the Bad Dog Ensemble Studio Series. We had such a great time together that we’re putting on a run of shows starting this Sunday under the name Meet Cute.

The format is one of our own creation that we’re calling Out of Line.Out of Line

So, if you’re in the Toronto area and looking for a fun way to spend your Sunday evenings, grab tickets through the Bad Dog website. The theatre holds about fifty so act now!

We will even have some great guests at a few of the shows.

Well endowed

It’s official!  My job as father is complete.

Over the last six weeks, I have given my daughters the knowledge they need to survive in this world. Namely, they have imbibed the full six episodes of the Star Wars movies.

My three year-old thinks every garbage is R2. My five year-old can pick out Darth Sidious from a line-up. They may even understand Gungan customs, Republic trade politics, and lightsaber lineage better than most. We’ve done Lego Sith Troopers, viewed the Episode 7 trailer, and caught a couple of episodes of Clone Wars and Rebels.

So, basically, I’m done, right? What more could a girl need to know?

2014 in creative review

2014 was unequivocally a better year than 2013. I wouldn’t have guessed that any year that began with a 12:01 rejection for a short-story would go on to be a good writing year, but it was definitely my best yet.

Nature published two of of my flash pieces and Alex Shvarstman worked with me to hone a third piece for his latest Unidentified Funny Objects volume.

If asked, though, I probably would have guessed that this would have been a year of continuing more of the television and film writing that I spent most of 2013 studying. Instead I mostly bailed on my pilot after some well-considered Blacklist criticism pointed out a number of areas for significant re-writes that I haven’t been able to solve.

I am also trying to come to terms with the limits of time and energy and creative output. In late 2013 I was accepted to Toronto’s Bad Dog Theatre’s inaugural Ensemble Studio series, a year-long program of long-form improv that has given me a stellar cohort of improvisers to possibly call troupe-mates in some possible future. In addition, I’ve been competing regularly in the Oakville Improv weekly Theatresports bubble tournament, playing monthly shows at Kerr Street’s Moonshine Cafe, and even working the odd workshop or community centre performance.

If time and energy and creativity are finite quantities (and I’m hoping to prove this wrong) then I’ll have to abuse the laws of conservation of such energy to make even greater things happen in the new year. Priorities, damn it!

I’m grateful for a good year, and like the nihilistic, ungrateful, misanthropic pessimist that I am–here’s hoping that 2015 is even better!

Funny stuff

Unidentified Funny Objects 3 launched early–it’s available in e-formats and paperback. It’s now a major fetish object on my bookshelf, and I am very pleased with the reception to date. Check it out!

Also, I am very pleased to report a new sale to Nature: Futures. A Brief History of Human Intelligence will appear in Nature Physics. I’m making my way through their recently released second collection and there’s some great stuff, also worth checking out!

Oh Destro, wherefore art thou?

I just read this paragraph on CNN regarding the despicable beheading of James Foley:

As details of the cold-blooded execution of Foley emerged, British Prime Minister David Cameron interrupted his summer vacation to head a meeting of the government’s emergency committee, known as COBRA, in London.

Cobra? Are you kidding me? Is David Cameron the COBRA Commander?

Your search, your future

The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI) has been around for seventy years. It is one of the best studied psychometric tests and is still frequently used in forensic settings. The intriguing thing about the MMPI is that it is atheoretical, it is simply an extended battery of questions, the answers to which provide windows into one’s personality.

What does this mean? We live in an age of self-report questionnaires and checklists. They generally have questions that are obvious in what they’re looking for:  Are you sad? Do you cry? Do you feel blue? Aha, you must be depressed.

The MMPI might find out the same information differently:  Do you play with dolls? Do you ever break things? The question asked and the answer have no logical relationship to the thing being measured, they have simply shown correlation over vast numbers of people taking the test.

In today’s New York Times, there is a fascinating article that brings to mind a similar exercise only with Google searches. This would seem to me to be the next step in Big Data/government oversight/technoparanoia. In Captain America 2 or Freakonomics, there are logic-based algorithms described to find “bad” people. Realistically, it won’t be too long before arrest records and google searches start to predict things about ourselves we won’t logically be able to guess.

It won’t be “flying lessons” “bomb-making” “Allah” that will trigger some terrorism alert, it will be something as banal as “Adidas shoes” “pineapples” and “Sea Monkeys.” Self-censorship will be useless, which the MMPI solves for as well. Search terms will be transparent to so-called “fake-bad” and “fake-good” subscales–the falsely-rebellious and the guiltily-hidden.

The problem with all of this is that it will be utterly without narrative. There will be no explanation, just a prediction that will be inexplicable other than “the computer said so.” Welcome to Minority Report.

On the topic of suicide…

So Robin Williams killed himself. That is so deeply upsetting, I can barely address it.

I’ve been amazed and shocked by the overall response. As someone who lives daily in the world of people so distraught, dissatisfied, alone, sad, miserable, and/or hate-filled that suicide is the rational solution, I am shocked by the apparent shock/disgust with which the world has responded.

Suicide is outcome of many different types of mental distress combined with many different types of problem solving. I won’t address that kind of simplistic math any further. Needless to say, there are interventions for a wide variety of conditions–pharmacological, psychotherapeutic, and just plain, human.

The idea, either that this was a) a purely selfish act, or alternatively b) a failure to reach out for help, is very simplistic. Between a) and b) are many people who reach out for help and don’t find enough relief and many who (mistakenly) believe they are reducing the net suffering of the world by removing their variable from the equation.

There is something definitive that is yet to be written about the nihilism of the intelligent, empathic male. It is a category subsumed in the narratives of Hemingways and Giraldos, or Belushis and Hoffmans, and now Williamses. The man who is insightful and empathic and who struggles with the conflict this engenders.

As a psychiatrist, I think we can talk about the entity of “depression” all we want, but in truth, there are dozens of sub-types; this is one worth exploring further.

For me, Robin Williams will forever be the permissive father. The teacher/therapist who inspired creativity and rebellion, who showed a different path than the rigidity of male aggression or money or dominance.

It breaks my heart that it was only a performance.